Forgiving One Another — Bible Class Discussion Guide

Opening Prayer: Ask God for honest hearts, for the humility to admit whom we're holding things against others, and for the courage to extend grace the way it was first extended to us.

Opening Question - Most of us can quote "be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another" without even thinking about it. So start simple: of all the "one another" commands in the New Testament, why is this one — forgiving one another — we find hardest to actually do?

Section One: How Did God Ever Put Us in the Same Room?
Read aloud: Ephesians 2:14–16

1. Paul places "forgiving one another" in the practical half of Ephesians, right next to "stop lying" and "stop stealing" — treating it as a basic, everyday duty rather than a rare, heroic act. And Adam pointed out something we'd rather not admit: we can name a time a brother or sister wounded us — and a time we did the same to someone else. Why are we so much quicker to remember the first than the second? And what would change in this congregation if everyone worked as hard at being forgiven as they do at forgiving? Or have we stopped working on both?
2. Since Paul puts forgiveness in the practical half of Ephesians, what does that placement say? Why does it tell us that Paul treats forgiving each other as a basic, everyday command rather than a lofty spiritual ideal?
3. Adam made an uncomfortable point: the command to forgive one another assumes Christians will hurt, slight, and even sin against one another. What does it do to a congregation when everyone is keeping a list of grievances and nobody is keeping a list of seeking forgiveness?

Section Two: The Word Paul Chose
Read aloud: Ephesians 4:32

1. The lesson pointed out that the word here isn't the one that just means "release" or "set free" — it's built on charis, grace. Paul isn't saying drop the offense. He's saying bestow grace — give unearned kindness to the person who wronged you. What's the difference between releasing someone from an offense and extending goodwill toward them? Can you do the first while quietly refusing the second — and if so, is that real forgiveness or a counterfeit?
2. Here's the heart of the sermon. Adam said the command is in the middle voice, which he explained this way: "I forgive you and I am affected by forgiving you. I am changed." Forgiveness isn't a one-way transaction that leaves the forgiver untouched. When you have genuinely forgiven someone — not just said the words — what changed in you?
3. Now the harder version of that question: when you've refused to forgive someone and let it fester, what did the refusal do to you over time? Adam’s whole argument is that withholding grace keeps the one withholding it in bondage. Does that match what you've actually lived?

Section Three: "If He Hears You, You Have Gained Your Brother"
Read aloud: Matthew 18:15

1. Adam caught something that some skim past. He said we love to rush to the church-discipline steps in the verses that follow and miss what Jesus promises if the brother listens: not "you followed the procedure," but "you have gained your brother." Is it possible to do everything Matthew 18 says — go privately, name the fault, follow the formula exactly — and still completely miss the point? What does that look like when it happens?
2. The lesson described the hollow version: someone walks up and says, in effect, "Well, the preacher said I had to, so I forgive you." Why is that so empty? What's actually missing from it? And what would the same conversation sound like if the goal were genuinely to gain a brother back instead of to discharge an obligation?
3. When Peter asked how many times he had to forgive, Jesus answered seventy times seven — which Adam called "not a math problem but a heart statement." What's the difference between a person who has decided, once and for all, to be a forgiving person, and one who forgives a particular offense but is keeping count underneath? How can you tell which one you are?

Section Four: How Christ Forgave You
Read aloud each of the five, slowly, before discussing.
The sermon listed five ways Christ forgives — completion (nothing left out), immediacy (forgiven now, not tomorrow), liberation (set free from sin's shackles), restoration (justified, just as if you'd never sinned), and cancellation ("I will remember their sins no more"). The command is to forgive like this.

1. Which of these five is hardest to extend to another person, and why? Be specific. For most of us, it's cancellation — Adam stated, "I can't get my mind around" a God who chooses to forget. We tend to forgive while quietly keeping the offense on file. What does it do to a relationship when you've technically forgiven someone but you've kept the record? Is a forgiveness that keeps the record actually the kind Christ showed us?
2. The sermon said baptism is the clearest picture of completion and immediacy — the person who comes up out of the water is forgiven right then, the blight on the soul gone in that instant. If God forgives that thoroughly and that immediately, why do we so often forgive partially and slowly — granting a little grace now and reserving the rest to see if the person earns it?

Section Five: "But What About..."
1. Adam named the three words that get us into trouble: "But what about..." He said he could stand up front and justify all kinds of unforgiveness — "because I'm the guy wearing the coat and tie, because I'm the guy that stands up front" — and convince himself he's the exception. Every one of us has a "but what about." Without naming names, what are the ones we reach for? “But what about how serious it was?” “But what about the fact that they never apologized?” “But what about the fact that they'd just do it again?” Ponder this: What if God looked at you that way?
2. The lesson’s point was blunt: the command is for every Christian, no exceptions — "if it's a brother or sister in Christ, I am to be forgiving that person, period." Does the "but what about" ever actually release us from the command, or does it just feel like it does?
3. Is there a difference between forgiving someone and trusting them again? Does keeping those two things separate answer some of our "but what about" questions — or does it become one more place to hide from the command?

Section Six: "I Feel Free"
Tell the story, then discuss.
In May 2001, Christopher Donovan — walking with his brother, singing an Oasis song — was attacked by three gang members, ages 15, 16, and 21. They beat him unconscious, and in the chaos, he was run over by a car and killed; It was such a bad situation that it was four months before his family could bury him. All three criminals got life. About ten years later, after their release, his family arranged to meet them. The youngest, instead of celebrating, first put flowers on Christopher's grave; meeting the parents, he ran to the mother and cried on her shoulder for fifteen minutes before he could speak. She said: "If anyone had told me when Chris died that I'd one day hug his killer, I probably would have decked them." After the last meeting, she said, "We've had our chance to forgive them. And I feel free."

1. This family forgave the murder of their son. Set your own grievances next to that for a moment. The things you struggle to forgive a brother or sister in Christ for — how do they look in that light? Adam isn't minimizing real hurt; he's asking whether we've made our hurts bigger than they are.
2. The mother said, "I feel free." Free from what, exactly? Why does the person who forgives get a freedom the person who refuses never gets to taste?
3. Adam’s point: “Extending grace doesn't just change the other person. It changes you." If that's true — if forgiveness is partly God's mercy on the one doing the forgiving — then what are we actually doing to ourselves every day we hold the grudge?

Section Seven: I Murdered the Son of God
1. Adam then set the Surrey story against Golgotha — he said when he reflects on the cross, he remembers, "I murdered the Son of God. And He forgave me." Why does remembering how much you've been forgiven do more to soften your heart toward someone who wronged you than just gritting your teeth and trying to forgive?
2. Adam’s case is that you can't honestly hold the cross in one hand and a grudge against a brother in the other. Why not? What does refusing to forgive someone reveal about how seriously we've actually taken our own forgiveness?

Section Eight: For Our Congregation
1. The lesson pointed out that many congregations look fine on the surface while carrying a great number of relationships that quietly need forgiveness. Is it possible for a congregation to appear united while being full of unreconciled brothers and sisters who simply avoid each other? What does that kind of church cost itself over time?
2. If a brand-new Christian watched our congregation for six months and tried to figure out what we believe about forgiving one another — just from how we treat each other after we've been hurt — what would they conclude?

Personal Commitment: Pick one and write it down. You don't have to share it.
* I will pray by name, every day this week, for the specific person who came to mind during this class — not waiting until I feel like it.
* If it's safe and appropriate, I will go to that person this week as described in Matthew 18:15 — privately, with the goal of bringing them back, not winning.
* I will identify my most commonly used "but what about," write it down, and write next to it the honest answer to whether it actually releases me from the command.
* For one week, when someone slights me — even in something small — I will intentionally practice the immediacy of Christ's forgiveness and forgive it on the spot instead of letting it harden.

Closing Prayer: Start with repentance, if needed, of being unforgiving toward others. Thank God for forgiving our sins fully and forgetting them. Ask Him to give us the courage it takes to be a truly forgiving person, and to bring to light anyone we might harbor bitterness toward, or anyone who is harboring bitterness toward us.

Next Week - Open by asking: Did you forgive anyone this week, or have you been able to look at forgiveness in a new light? What was hard about it? Did anything bring the freedom that the mother described?

5-Day Devotional: Forgiveness and Unity in Christ

Day 1: The Foundation of Our Unity
Reading: Ephesians 2:11-22

Devotional: Part of the beauty of the church is that God brings together people who should never coexist—Jews and Gentiles, different races, backgrounds, and experiences—and makes them one body. As you read today's passage, consider the people in your congregation who are different from you. Perhaps they come from different cultures, economic backgrounds, or spiritual journeys. The same Christ who reconciled you to God has also reconciled you to them. This unity isn't accidental or superficial; it's the very work of Christ through the cross. When you struggle to connect with a fellow believer, remember what God has already done by making you both His workmanship. Your differences aren't obstacles to overcome but opportunities to glorify the One who "made both one."

Day 2: Walking Worthy of Our Calling
Reading: Ephesians 4:1-16

Devotional: Paul's call to "walk worthy" isn't a requirement to be perfect, but a direction to aim for. Notice how unity appears immediately as the first responsibility—"endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." This unity requires effort, humility, gentleness, and patience. It demands bearing with one another in love. Today, reflect on your walk. Are you actively working toward unity, or passively allowing division? The seven "ones" Paul lists aren't just doctrinal statements; they're the foundation that makes unity possible. When we stand firm on one Lord, one faith, one baptism, we create the environment where forgiveness can flourish. Your walk matters because it either contributes to or detracts from the unity Christ died to create. Choose today to take intentional steps toward peace with your brothers and sisters.

Day 3: The Command to Forgive
Reading: Ephesians 4:25-32

Devotional: "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." This isn't a suggestion. It's a command. The word Paul uses for "forgiving" means to bestow grace, to give unmerited favor continuously. Notice it's in the present tense; forgiveness isn't a one-time act but an ongoing posture of the heart. When a brother or sister hurts you, your Christian responsibility is to extend the same grace God extended to you. This changes both the forgiver and the forgiven. As you forgive, you become more like Christ. Your hard heart softens. You receive freedom. Today, ask yourself: Is there someone in the church I'm withholding forgiveness from? Remember, the standard isn't whether they deserve it. You didn't deserve God's forgiveness either.

Day 4: Forgiveness Like Christ's
Reading: Matthew 18:21-35

Devotional: Peter thought seven times was generous. Jesus responded with seventy times seven—not as a mathematical formula but as a heart condition. The parable that follows reveals this truth: those who've been forgiven much should forgive much. Consider how Christ forgave you: completely, immediately, liberating you from sin's shackles, restoring you as if you'd never sinned, and promising to remember your sins no more. Now bring that standard to your relationships in the church. When someone wrongs you, do you forgive completely or hold a grudge? Do you forgive immediately or make them wait? Do you truly liberate them or keep bringing up past offenses? Christ's forgiveness of you is the measure by which you're supposed to forgive others. The unforgiving servant lost everything because he refused to extend what he'd received. Don't make the same mistake.

Day 5: The Freedom of Forgiveness
Reading: Colossians 3:12-17

Devotional: The mother who lost her son said after forgiving his killers, "I feel free." That's the paradox of forgiveness; when you release someone else, you release yourself. Unforgiveness is a prison where you're both the guard and the inmate. Today's passage reminds us to "put on" tender mercies, kindness, humility, and forgiveness as the elect of God. These aren't natural responses; they're choices we make because of who we are in Christ. Notice verse 13: "even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do." There's no escape clause, no "but what about" exception. The peace of God that rules in your heart comes through forgiveness. When you extend grace to a brother or sister, you're not just obeying a command; you're experiencing part of what it means to be transformed in Christ. You become more like Jesus. True unity cannot exist without forgiveness. Today, take the step toward freedom. Forgive.