Making Visitors Feel Welcome - Group Discussion Guide.

A Note for the Teacher
This lesson asks something uncomfortable: that we stop diagnosing other people's friendliness and start with our own. Neal modeled this with the disciples' question at the Passover — "Lord, is it I?" (Matthew 26:22) — instead of "Lord, is it him?"

A few things to watch for as you lead:
* Don't let the class turn into a complaint session about unfriendly members. If someone starts down that road, redirect: "Lord, is it I?"
* Resist the urge to defend your congregation. If someone shares a hard observation, do not respond too quickly.
* The goal is not guilt. The goal is action. Every section ends with a commitment, not a feeling.
* You don't have to cover every question. Pick the ones that fit your class. The guide gives you more than you'll use on purpose.

Opening Prayer: Ask God for honest hearts, courage to see ourselves clearly, and a willingness to change if needed.

Opening questions:
1. Think back to the last time you walked into a room where you didn't know anyone — a new job, a wedding reception, a doctor's waiting room. In the first 90 seconds, what were you scanning for?
2. Have you ever visited another congregation while traveling? Without naming the congregation, what did they do right, or what could they have done better?

Section One: "Lord, Is It I?"
Read aloud: John 4:27, 31–35 — the disciples return to Jesus at the well.

Questions
1. The disciples returned to find Jesus speaking with a Samaritan woman — and the text says, “Yet no one said, ‘What do You seek?' or, 'Why are You talking with her?’” They didn't object. They didn't engage. They said nothing at all. What kept them quiet, and do we see that same silence show up in our own foyer?
2. Thom Rainer found that Genuinely Friendly Churches see visitors return at six times the rate of unfriendly ones. If that statistic is even close to right, how should it change the way we think about the first ten minutes after the last amen?
3. Almost every congregation would describe itself as friendly. Yet research says only a small fraction actually qualify as Genuinely Friendly Churches. What accounts for that gap? What are we measuring when we say we are friendly, that a visitor isn't measuring at all?
4. The lesson listed five personal roadblocks: shyness, a dysfunctional past, lack of self-awareness, lack of self-confidence, and being too focused on the people we already know. Which one is the most common roadblock in our congregation — not as an excuse, but as something we should help each other overcome?
5. Read James 2:1–4. James isn't describing strangers being ignored — he's describing strangers being ranked. In what ways do churches still rank visitors (by dress, by family name, by whether they "look like us")? How do we guard against it without pretending it doesn't happen?

Section Two: Lift Up Your Eyes
Read aloud: Psalm 142:4 — "I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul." 
That's David in the cave of Adullam. It's also what a visitor can feel in a room full of Christians.

Questions
1. Neal told the story of Esmin Green — the woman who collapsed in a Brooklyn psychiatric ER, was walked past by a doctor, kicked by a nurse, and died on the floor. The lawyer called it a "culture of indifference." Be honest: could anyone describe our hallway after services that way? If not indifference, what description would they use?
2. Neal remembered a specific instance: a member walked up to him in the foyer to ask him a question while he was mid-conversation with a visitor, and never acknowledged the visitor standing right there. Have you witnessed this — at our congregation or another? Why do we do it?
3. Genesis 4:6 says God paid attention to Cain's face. Jeremiah 5:3 talks about a hard face. Proverbs 15:13 says a joyful heart makes a cheerful face. What does it mean that God notices faces? And what does it suggest about what visitors notice when they walk into our church buildings?
4. The lesson said our "default face" — what we look like when we're thinking about nothing in particular — may be sending a message we don't intend. Without putting anyone on the spot, what's the difference between a congregation full of warm faces and one full of preoccupied faces? Can you tell the difference walking in the door?
5. Practical observation: Picture our auditorium five minutes after the closing prayer next Sunday. Where are the conversations happening? Who is in them? Who isn't?

Section Three: Take the Step
Read aloud: Luke 10:30–37 — the Good Samaritan.
The priest and the Levite both saw the man. They just kept walking.

Questions
1. The sermon gave a four-part plan for taking the step: pray, seek, sympathize, initiate. Of those four, which one does our congregation already do reasonably well? Which one needs the most work?
2. Neal said his goal is to use the first five minutes after the Amen to find two people he doesn't already know well. Two people. Five minutes. That goal is small enough that none of us can say it's too much to ask — and yet some would probably be reluctant to set it. If you adopted that one goal and kept it for a year, how many people would you have spoken to who otherwise would have walked out unnoticed?
3. Kim Lineham, the swimming world-record holder, was asked what the hardest part of training was. Her answer: getting in the water. What is the "getting in the water" moment for a member who wants to speak to a visitor? What's actually hard about those first three seconds?
4. The preacher said someone visited twelve churches of Christ after moving to a new city, and not one of them followed up. What does follow-up look like when it's done well? What does it look like when it's done badly enough to make someone never come back?
5. Read Philippians 2:3–4. Paul says the cure for self-focus is regarding others as more important than ourselves. In the context of the assembly, what does that look like in the parking lot? In the foyer? In the pew?
6. Hard question: If a family of seven walked in this Sunday — two parents, five children — what would actually happen to them between the time they pulled into the parking lot and the time they walked back out to their car? Talk through it honestly.

Section Four: Help Them Out
Neal walked through the first ten minutes of a visitor's experience — parking, restrooms, seating, understanding what's happening, knowing who's who. Many of us might not have thought about these in years because we feel we don't have to.

Questions
1. Walk through the parking lot for someone who has never been here before. Where would they park? Would anyone greet them? Would they know which door is the right one?
2. Walk through the foyer. A visitor walks in carrying a child and a diaper bag. Where is the restroom? Where is the nursery? Who tells them?
3. Walk through the auditorium. Neal observed this: in airplanes, the front is first class, at concerts, the front is the best seat, but in church buildings, the back is prime real estate. Why is that? And what does it communicate to a visitor who has to walk past every full back pew to find a seat?
4. Walk through the worship service itself. A first-time visitor who has never been in a church of Christ before — what would confuse them? The a cappella singing? The Lord's Supper passed down the row? The lack of an offering plate-then-sermon rhythm they're used to? What could we do, without changing the worship, to help them follow along?
5. Walk through the last ten minutes. The service is over. The visitor stands up. What happens next? Be specific.
6. The lesson suggested practical sacrifices: park in the back, leave the prime seats for visitors, sit somewhere different so a visitor can sit by you. Which of those would be hardest for our congregation to actually adopt? Why?

Thom Rainer's 14 Marks of a Genuinely Friendly Church
The lesson referenced this list. Read it together. A congregation needs at least 11 of the 14 to qualify as a GFC. Let’s aim for all 14.
1. Intentional about being friendly
2. Leaders model warmth, humility, and friendliness
3. Leaders are clear that friendliness is more than the "stand and greet" moment
4. Uses secret guests at least twice a year
5. Guest-friendly, user-friendly website
6. Clear signage in the building
7. Well-organized greeter ministry
8. Clear information places (not just one welcome center)
9. Clean and neat building
10. Has a guest feedback process
11. Children's area is clearly safe and sanitary
12. Majority of members are involved in the community
13. Small friendship groups intentionally reach beyond themselves
14. New-member classes that teach the responsibilities of membership

Discussion
* Without grading the elders or the staff, as a class, how many of these 14 would you say our congregation clearly demonstrates? Talk through it one at a time.
* Which two or three of these, if addressed in the next twelve months, could we change the most?
* Numbers 12 and 13 are about what happens outside the building and after the service ends. Those are probably the hardest. Why?

Personal Commitment
The point of this class is not to feel convicted. It's to do something different next Sunday.
Ask each class member to silently pick one of the following and write it down. They don't have to share it aloud — though the teacher may invite volunteers.
* This Sunday I will arrive ten minutes early and pray in the parking lot for the people who walk in.
* This Sunday I will park in the farthest row from the building.
* For the next four Sundays, the first thing I do after Amen is find someone I don't know and introduce myself before I talk to anyone I do know.
* This month I will invite one visitor or newer member into my home, or out to lunch, or for coffee.
* This Sunday I will sit one section over from where I usually sit, leaving room for visitors in the seats I'd normally take.
* I will volunteer to serve as a greeter at least once a month.
* I will learn the names of the last five families who placed membership with us, and introduce myself to any I don't already know.
* I will pray each Saturday night for the visitors who will walk in the next morning.

Group Commitments
Pick one or two for the class to pursue together. Assign someone to follow up.
* Secret guest exercise. Ask an out-of-town brother or sister to visit on a Sunday we don't expect, then report back honestly on what they experienced.
* The walk-through. Two or three class members walk the building from a visitor's perspective — parking lot, foyer, auditorium, restrooms, nursery — and bring a list of what works and what doesn't to the next class.
* Visitor follow-up team. Three or four members commit to making sure every visitor receives a personal contact within 48 hours.
* Hospitality fund. Pool money so that anyone in the class can take a visitor or newer family to lunch without it being a financial obstacle.
* The newer-member list. Identify the new members from the last twelve months. Each class member takes one family and commits to a meal, coffee, or home visit before the end of the next quarter.

Closing Prayer focus:
* Thank God for welcoming us into His family when we were strangers.
* Ask forgiveness for the people we've overlooked.
* Pray for courage to step out of our comfortable circles.
* Pray for the visitors who will walk in next Sunday or soon — that someone in this room is part of the reason they come back.

Next Week
Open class by asking: "Did anyone do the thing they wrote down? What happened?"
Celebrate honestly. Don't let it die quietly.
"When God's people know better, we do better. When there is an occasion and we know about it, we rise to that occasion."

5-Day Devotional: Opening Eyes and Hearts to Welcome Others

Day 1: Lifting Up Our Eyes
Reading: John 4:27-42

Devotional: When Jesus told His disciples to "lift up your eyes and look on the fields," He was teaching them to see beyond their immediate concerns to the spiritual harvest around them. The Samaritan woman stood before them, yet they saw nothing. How often do we miss the souls God places in our path because we're focused on our own agenda? The disciples missed an evangelism opportunity because they couldn't see past their comfort zone. Today, ask God to give you wisdom and courage—to see the lonely visitor, the searching soul, the person everyone else overlooks. Like Jesus, may we cross boundaries, break social conventions, and truly see people as God sees them: precious souls in need of living water.

Day 2: The Heart of Hospitality
Reading: Hebrews 13:1-2; Romans 12:9-13

Devotional: Scripture commands us to "practice hospitality.”  Hospitality isn't about impressing people with our homes or abilities; it's about opening our hearts. The early church grew not primarily through eloquent preaching but through genuine love expressed in practical ways. When we welcome strangers, we reflect God's character, who welcomed us when we were strangers and enemies. Don't let fear of inadequacy hold you back. Your "Early American Goodwill" furniture matters far less than your sincere interest in another person's story. Hospitality is seeing people as Jesus sees them—valuable enough that He died for them. Who will you intentionally welcome this week?

Day 3: Sympathizing with the Stranger
Reading: Hebrews 4:14-16; Psalm 69:13-20

Devotional: We have a High Priest who sympathizes with our weaknesses, who understands what it means to be misunderstood, rejected, and alone. Jesus was often the stranger—born in a borrowed manger, with no place to lay His head, ultimately crucified outside the city gates. David cried out, "I looked for someone to sympathize with me, but there was no one." How many visitors walk into our assemblies feeling exactly that way? They've left familiar surroundings, dear friends, and comfortable routines. They're searching for connection in a sea of unfamiliar faces. When we sympathize—when we remember what it felt like to be new—we become the hands and feet of Christ. Our sympathy opens doors that programs never can.

Day 4: The Courage to Initiate
Reading: Philippians 2:1-11; James 2:1-9

Devotional: Christ's example is clear: He initiated. He came to us. He crossed the distance between heaven and earth, not waiting for us to make the first move. He humbled Himself, taking on flesh, seeking the lost. James warns against showing favoritism—gravitating only toward those who make us comfortable or enhance our status. Taking the initiative requires courage, especially for introverts or those who've been hurt. But here's the truth: the five minutes after the final "amen" are invaluable moments of ministry. They're opportunities to reflect Christ's initiating love. Set a goal: greet an unfamiliar face this Sunday. Forget your inadequacies and focus on their needs. The first conversation is the hardest part, but getting past a few moments of awkwardness can make a difference in where a soul spends their eternity.

Day 5: No One Cared for My Soul
Reading: Matthew 25:31-46; Luke 10:25-37

Devotional: "I looked to my right and to my left, and no one cared for my soul." David's lament should pierce our hearts. Jesus makes it personal in Matthew 25: "I was a stranger and you welcomed me ... or you did not welcome me." The Good Samaritan didn't just feel sympathy; he acted. He saw; he stopped; he helped. The priest and Levite had religious duties, important places to be, but they missed the chance to actually practice religion, lying in the road. Every visitor is an Esmin Green—someone who came seeking help, hoping to be seen. Will we walk past, preoccupied with our own agendas? Or will we be the neighbor who stops, who sees, who cares? May God convict us that no one should ever leave our assemblies saying, "No one cared for my soul."

Reflection Question for the Week: If a secret guest visited your congregation this Sunday, what would they report about the warmth, visibility, and genuine care they experienced? What one practical step will you take to ensure no visitor feels overlooked?